They / Them
Community to me is chosen family and that's the people who uplift you but also call you on your bullshit - and especially the ones who can do both at the same time.
My advice to people struggling with their gender and/or sexual identity would be to take a break from the Internet. I feel like people search for all the answers online, which can be beneficial but also really toxic and leads to a lot of misinformation. Nothing replaces the very real and tangible guidance of kind and competent lgbtqia+ mental and medical health care providers, community elders, and peers experiencing the same/similar challenges. If you're not in a situation where those are available to you, try to find online communities that are uplifting and positive.
Try to focus on the little ways that you can express yourself right now. I remember my dad telling me once about how badly he wanted to be a professional tuba player. He wanted nothing more than to study music and live a humble life. His parents really enforced upon him the idea of success being defined as money and "stuff," and that the only way he could be successful was to get a "real job". He went on to become an engineer like his father. Now I know he loves his job and he's made a nice life for himself in a lot of respects, but he's in what I think of as the 'musician's closet" and always sounds deeply sad when he thinks back about how he almost went to music school. It made me realize that most people are not living their authentic selves and being gay or queer or trans are not the only ways that people can be closeted. Even if you're not able to be %100 you right now because of your gender or sexuality, there are always ways that you can give yourself the gift OF yourself. Do the things you love, learn and study things that make you excited, and when you can finally put your full self out into the world, your gender and/or sexuality won't be the most interesting thing about you.
Oof, this is tough because I definitely made a lot of bad choices around this and I'm still recovering from a lot of the trauma I experienced from bullying growing up. I think the healthiest thing I did was watch Ellen. I think it helped me develop a sense of humor around the difficulty I was facing. It enabled me to find some friends who also had a sense of humor and we could laugh at how utterly ridiculous the people and circumstances were that were making our lives so difficult. At the end of the day, you have to just have faith that what you're experiencing in right now is temporary.
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